an honor

The funeral was today for Renee and Matt's mom. It was awful.. so sad... My heart just breaks for these kids. It's not fair that they don't have a mom... it's not fair to them that their mom made such poor decisions... I watched Matt just sob into his grandmom's arms... and I listened as This same grandmother - who is the mother of the woman who died - take my hands and with tears in her eyes - plead with me asking - Do you think Renee will be okay? She's so angry - do you think she'll be ok... And all i could do was promise her I'll walk through this with Renee. But - Renee doesn't want to talk about it.. she won't talk to me about how she is feeling and she needs to talk to someone. It was such a hard day. Ministry is so rewarding some days.. and then their are days like this - when it is an absolute honor to walk alongside of someone in their dark moments - and although an honor - it is so hard. And all i can do is keep giving them over to Jesus - again and again.. and trust in the soveriegn work of our God.
I'm tired... drained really... i probably need a good old cry.. perhaps after dinner a nice hot bubble bath will have to suffice! It amazes me how God does work - all the time really adn I should expect it =- but i'm always amazed. I was sad all day.. struggling w/ my students whom I love - hurting so much.. and them a new boy in our youth group IM's me and we chat.. and he tells me he wants to keep c oming to youth group and he's giong to come every Sunday now too w/ his friend Russ - who brought him. And then Bryan says to me - ya - it'll be good for me to go... i laughed - but I asked him has he been to a churhc before or is this all new to him and he says - it's all brand new!! My response was AWESOME! Cause now he gets to hear about JEsus and the cross and a new life.. and that is so exciting! See - God brings joy in the midst of heartache. I'm thankful for Renee and Matt and for their foundational faith in Christ and I pray they cling to God through this - AND i'm also thankful for Bryan and for his newness into this faith and pray that God opens his heart to receive him and grow in him! Some days i struggle w/ my job and with being called to minister.. and other days I count it a privilege to walk this amazing road with people - I get to share Christ... how awesome is that?!

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